The Persistence of Repetition

I awoke at 4:30 this morning. My cell was demanding to be charged and the birds were greeting the world in full song. (This was an instant reply of yesterday morning.) I awoke a second time to bright sunlight and warmth. There have been very few sunny days this spring and the combination of sun and warmth is as delicious as it is rare.

I am sitting in the office, surrounded by boxes and objects awaiting packing. The ficus tree by my desk has drifted over from its corner to peek out the window. Not that there is much of a view this time of year as the trees completely block any glimpse of the mountains and lake.

The office walls are increasingly bare as we pack family pictures. Our realtor insists we erase most traces of our history so that prospective buyers can imagine themselves into the space. As a person who has bought houses, I thoroughly understand this notion. At the same time, the experience of having to erase all traces of one’s life so that others may inhabit one’s home is uncannily familiar, one often discussed by my father’s side of the family. For them, these were issues of life and death.

Sitting here before the computer on this sumptuous summer day, listening to Bach’s solo cello suits, I am reminded yet again that experience is layered and complex, conscious and unconscious, and strangely repetitious.

8 thoughts on “The Persistence of Repetition

      1. Lara, leaving is proving very hard. We rebuild the house to be our home and it is a splendid place indeed. This afternoon we were making paint chips so we can recreate them if we choose. We are also excited to be moving near family, friends, and the ocean so the leaving is bitter-sweet…….

  1. Yours is the second post in succession that I’ve read about being awake so early in the morning. Maybe it’s the burgeoning energy before the solstice. Best of luck with your move.

    1. Andy, for sure the solstice contributes, although hard for me to know exactly how. The world is abuzz with energy right now, something that will be much reduced come August….

  2. My experience with being old is that nothing is simple any more. Maybe it never was but everything that I do or experience is tinted by a mosaic of complex memories and feelings. We built our house to grow old in and now that I am old and growing older I am realizing that we may not want to live here until we die. Maybe I would be bored if I weren’t faced with ongoing mental challenges. 🙂 My truth in my 70’s is that life is full of losses and it is my job to recognize (and create) the joys.

    1. Pat, my experience is close to yours, although I am not sure my experience is more complex as I age. Or rather, I find the complexity is different. I’m not sure I could even begin to explain that! And yes, my needs change as I age, so no clear idea of how the new house will work out.

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