Dreaming the World

Today is bright and ridiculously windy. In the sun, out of the wind, one may luxuriate; in the wind, its painful. Here and there a tree has bust into bloom or leaf, a lone spot of color in the monotone March landscape.

I don’t know about you, but when things are crazy I find it very difficult to be grateful. Of course, that is when a gratitude practice is most helpful to one’s sense of well being.

Lately, I find anticipatory grief sneaks up on me and leaves me breathless, and often without access to mystery and gratitude. The other day we were driving and there it was, no breath and no words, and certainly no gratitude.

The problem with anticipatory grief is we are grieving about something which may or may not happen, and being caught up in a fantasy takes us out of the pleasure of the moment. The other challenge for me is that very often grief take my breath away, and since I have asthma, being breathless can be anxiety provoking and anxiety tends to make asthma symptoms worse. Very quickly things can spiral into a very painful situation.

Inevitably the challenge in chaotic times is to limit catastrophizing and doom scrolling, and the resulting fear and grief, so one can act in the present. In times such as ours, when knowing the best pathway of action may not be possible, it can become very difficult to slow down, think things through to the best of our limited abilities, and settle into the immediate moment long enough to experience connection, joy and gratitude. Yet, nurturing and practicing gratitude can be a way to reduce the influence of anticipatory grief in our lives.

The thing is, grief is unavoidable no matter how much we may wish it were otherwise, and anticipatory grief forces us to grieve far longer than necessary. Should that which we fear come to pass, we will grieve. If it doesn’t, that extra grieving steals precious moments of connection, joy, and wonder; to live in constant fear and grief is misery indeed.

As you might surmise, I am not particularly good at dealing with anticipatory grief. I find it far too easy to assume the worst will happen and sink into grief and sadness. I have lived long enough to realize that what I imagine seldom happens, but there are always traumatized voices in my mind who insist that they will and that we should be grieving.

One very real thing that is happening right now is the current administration in DC has stripped virtually all funding for Native services, including funds for the Indian Health Service and for education, creating a crises for Native families and communities. Additionally, they are pushing the notion that tribally affiliated persons are not US citizens. In just a few weeks we have gone from 2025 to 1930. For many, this is a very scary time.